2 buns in the oven

What a surreal day. I can't believe we just had our embryo transfer. JP seems the most excited today than he has been in the last few weeks.

We got to the clinic just before 11:00 AM. They did a blood test and then I sat in the recovery room for awhile before my procedure at 12:00. JP was allowed in the Transfer room, but not in the recovery room. There were a couple of other women in recovery who had just finished their transfer and there was one woman ahead of me about to do her transfer.

JP brought a little camera to take photos. I told him he could probably only take photos before and after the transfer. JP asked Dr. S if he could take photos and the doctor was nice enough to say he could take photos after the procedure (after I was more covered up). Dr. S seemed a little thrown off. I guess no one has ever brought a camera in. I have a feeling it will be the last time though. You know how JP is, he doesn't follow orders very well. JP decided to go ahead and take photos during the transfer. Well of course Dr. S wasn't having it and told him to stop. Way to go JP, Let's upset the doctor as he puts our embryos in me.

The actual transfer was amazing. I still can hardly believe what I saw on the monitor. I'll never forget it. First they took a microscopic photograph of our two little beans to be transferred and gave it to us. Our first baby pics! We watched on the monitor, I could see as the doctor did a test insert of the catheter into my uterus. Then the embryos, together 2 of them, were put into the catheter and inserted into my uterus. As they came through the tip of the catheter and were placed inside, I got all teary eyed. It was awesome!

The transfer only took about 15 minutes. I then had to lay down for half an hour in the recovery room. I was allowed to go pee, which I was so scared to do. I thought the little ones might fall out. Which now I know is probably silly. Then I sat in a recliner to continue resting. There was a new medical tech there and she had me dress and said I could leave too soon, about 45 minutes after transfer. JP had left to get lunch and was told he could return around 1:15 to take me home. So I got my full hour anyway waiting for him. The ride home was a little hard. Everytime the car went over bumps, I cringed. We stopped at In and Out. We went through the drive through to get some burgers and fries for me. I ate on the way home and when we finally reached home I said hi to Greg, who is here until tomorrow and then went straight to bed. When I got to bed I turned the TV on and it was on Discovery Health Channel. It was showing baby birth programs. So obviously I had to watch.

This is a long post for today, but I will update more about this day tomorrow.

Here we go!!

Dr. S' office just called. We are to be at the clinic for embryo transfer at 11:00 AM today! I'm so excited, I can hardly contain myself. I've got to feed the dogs and get out of here.

To be continued.....

Day four

The little ones are doing good. They are all still growing. Dr S says that even the weaker ones could still grow into blastocysts. Our speedy one is 'compacting' and is in the beginnings of the blastocyst stage, by day five he should be right where he should be. Listen to me, I called it 'he'! JP wants all girls so don't tell him I said that. I don't know why but something keeps throwing the word he and him around my mind. When I went to buy yarn for the baby blanket I'm going to start crocheting during my bedrest, I was first drawn to boy colors. It's not wishful thinking either, because I really love little girls. It's weird. I did manage to pick colors that could be used for both genders, but there is blue in it. Maybe I just didn't want to make a pink blanket incase we did have a boy. Anyway, I have seem to have strayed way off track here. "One day at a time Mia". OK, one is about to become a blastocyst and 4 are at the stage right before that. They may need till Wednesday to become ready for transfer. The others are way behind, but Dr. S says there is the possibility they could become blastocysts.
Dr. S will call again tomorrow to let me know if the transfer will be tomorrow or Wednesday. I can hardly wait!

Day three of life for the embies

Dr. S called this morning to update us on our embryos. He said that there's one really good one at 8 cells, 4 that are a little behind at 6 cells and the rest aren't so good because they have some fragmentation. We are still optimistic. All 9 still have a chance to grow big and strong. But now comes the scary part. At this point it becomes harder for most embryos to continue growing outside the mother's body, especially if they are not at the 8 cell stage by now. We have a lot of confidence in our doctor and we know he's doing everything right. But nature can still play a role. Dr.S will continue to update us daily until our transfer day.

Poor puffy Piper

Piper is really sick. I'm worried about her. A week ago she had an allergic reaction to something, I think a bug or spider bite. Her eye lids and cheeks got all puffy. We took her to the vet and he confirmed it was an allergic reaction to "something". Because she's so tiny and we were afraid the swelling would get so bad and could affect her airways, we allowed her to get an antihistamine and cortisone shot. I'm not a fan of cortisone because it's a steroid. But she looked pretty bad. Anyway she was fine until last Friday then her eyes started swelling again. I guess the medication had worn off and all her symptoms came back. That's what drugs like that do. They suppress the symptoms, but don't heal the problem. So now she's worse than ever, especially since she scratched and gave herself little wounds around her eye. She has to wear a cone around her neck to keep her from scratching her face. She looks like she just got out of the boxing ring. I think she probably has an infection now too. I've been giving her homeopathic meds and an herbal immunity serum, but there's no improvement yet. I'll most likely end up taking her to the vet again tomorrow. I don't think I'll let her get another cortisone shot though. Her vet bill last week was $120 and now we have to go again. So much for having a calm week for IVF! I wonder What's next?

9 little ones incubating

Dr. S called to tell us that 9 eggs fertilized! That is double what I had hoped for. I'm very pleased. I want at least 2 healthy embryos to transfer back and if possible, 2 or 3 to freeze. They all will have a few more days to grow before transfer. A lot can happen to the cels, so we have to keep in mind that not all the embryos will survive the full 5 days in incubation. Bless their little spirits. If they die because they are unhealthy, it's just as well, we don't really want those unhealthy ones to implant. There would be more of a chance of miscarriage or birth deffects. I will hear from Dr. S again on Sunday to find out how the little ones are doing. Maybe we'll also learn when our transfer will be. I can hardly wait! In the mean time, more blood tests and medication for me.

Today we started progesterone shots. We must have done it right, because that is a painful shot for most and it really didn't hurt me at all. It's in sesame oil, so it's thick, and the needle gauge size is bigger than my previous injections. What I did is ice the injection site before the shot to make it my skin numb. I filled a hot water bottle with hot tap water. After I drew up the progesterone into the sarringe, I carefully set it on top of the hot water bottle for 1 minute while I continued to ice my butt. Warming the progesterone oil keeps it more fluid and easier to inject. Then JP did my injection. This shot take takes twice as long because it's double the fluid of my previous shots. After my shot I used the hot water bottle to keep the site warm, it helps keep the prog. fluid and disperse into my muscle tissues. JP still hates giving me shots. He's doing a great job. He even looked up "the upper outer buttocks area" to make sure he didn't give me shot in my sciatic nerve. He didn't believe I was showing him the right spot, so he looked it up and showed me the diagram, "see, I could have given you a shot in that nerve and cause permanent damage!". That's cute. I know I'm moody and sometimes he makes me upset, but I know he's doing the best he can. Progesterone is important for pregnancy, it helps make my endometruim lining receptive for the embryos to implant. I may have to take these injections throughout my entire first trimester.

Priorities?

JP really upset me last night. I asked that he stick around Tuesday if I have my embryo transfer. He said "I'll try". WTF! You'll try but you might leave because you want to hang out with your friend?! Oh, don't mind me. I'm just trying to have your baby. I've only had 100 needles stuck in my arms, thighs and ass for 2 weeks and there's plenty more coming. We are only at the most critical part, but if you "TRY" that would be great, thanks sweetheart. Oh and don't worry about that $15,000 we are spending to do this, If our IVF fails, oh well, it's just money. Boy 2 weeks of hormones sure are kickin in now! Maybe I'm over reacting here and JP would definately say that I am. He got upset with me because I'm acting this way. I think I've been really nice for the last few weeks considering what's going on with my body. But do I still have to be nice about all this? He says that if the transfer is Wednesday he would have to go to work and I'd be alone anyway, so why stick around on Tuesday even though it's his day off.... Because I NEED you, hello? Even my Mom and Mother in law offered to come help and be here for me during my bedrest. I told them I can manage, but thanks. Now that the time is near and we've been through most of the process, I'm really freaking out. I know it's mostly hormones, but I just don't want to F*** anything up. I want to be sure we do everything we CAN do. Even if we do our best, there's always a chance of failure. I am just stressing myself too much. I've got to make myself stay calm. Stress is bad, especially now. Good thing I'm writting all this, I could be screaming and throwing a fit instead.

11 eggs in a basket

My egg retrieval procedure went pretty good this morning. Except I never loved those IV catheters they stick into you when you have surgery. I didn't get one wound but two. The first one they put into my hand somehow came loose when I moved. So they stabbed me in my other hand to put a new one in.

Out of 12 follicles the doctor retrieved 11 eggs! That's a pretty good number, he had predicted we'd only get around 7. He did tell me that not all of them are good. He's been giving me reserved answers like this all along. I guess so I won't be too dissapointed if everything fails. At least he didn't say none of them are good. I only need one good embryo to start a good pregnancy. Dr. S will call tomorrow to let us know how fertilization went. If we get a couple healthy fertilized eggs that last 5 to 6 days, they will then be transfered back into my uterus. Dr. S does 5-6 day blastocyst transfers. It's a newer technique that he helped devolop. Many clinics do 3 day transfers. By doing a 5 day blastocyst transfer, the doctor is better able to select out the most healthy embryos. Unfortunately, not all embryos survive that long.

I'm a little dissapointed because JP's good friend (I'll call him Greg) is here visiting. Not that I don't like him or want him to visit. It's just a bad time for visitors. I quit my job a few months ago mainly so I could manage our wedding and the move to our new house and most importantly, so I could focus 100% on this IVF procedure without stress or other obligation. Now that Greg is here. JP feels obligated to be host to him. Naturally since this is my house too, I am automatically a hostess. He's suposed to be here for a week, including during the time when we do our embryo transfer next Tuesday or Wednesday. He's due to leave Wednesday morning and If I have to be at the clinic early in the morning, taking him to the airport is going to be an inconvenience. This is mostly JP's fault because he was not clear about our IVF schedule when he and Greg we're talking about the visit. JP has known about our scheduled IVF cycle for several months. He should have realized that all of August would be a bad time when he told Greg he could come. Anyway, Greg arrived yesterday, the day before my egg retrieval. JP picked him up after work, they got home after I had already gone to bed. They were up until around 2 AM and I could hear them. Boy do they like to slam doors and cabinets. I did my best to sleep because I had to get up early for my 8 AM appointment. I woke up early, tired but very excited because I have been waiting a long time for this day.

JP helped Greg rent a car and he took off this afternoon for LA to visit friends for the weekend. JP went to work and I'm supposed to stay in bed all day. It's hard to do especially when you get hungry. So I snuck off to the kitchen and what do you know, I end up emptying th dishwasher and washing dishes that the boys left in the sink. I should of left it. Cramps and post surgery or not, I like my sink clean!

Never the less, the Egg retrieval went well so I'm happy. I just hope I can get some peace next week. If my transfer is on Tuesday, JP's day off, I think I'm going to demand that he stay home with me because I'm not supposed to get out of bed for anything except to use the bathroom. Someone's got to let the dogs outside and feed me. I don't care if we have a guest. JP and I are essentially conceiving our child right now. Who needs a freakin third wheel?!

Big day tomorrow!

Today's pre-op exam and blood test went well today. Dr S detected a slight heart murmur, but did not seem overly concerned. Tomorrow's egg retrieval is going ahead as planned. I'm getting up really early again, so I'm off to bed now. Good night, wish me luck.

Egg retrieval, here I come

I got the green light today! I was finally told we will proceed with egg retrieval on Thursday the 24th after a one day delay. My estimated egg retrieval was for Wednesday August 23, but after my ultrasound and blood test on Monday, Dr. S decided to have me stim for one more day. At my Monday appointment he said I was about ready and I had 8 follicles that were at the size they should be. Today I had another ultrasound and I noticed that my follicles have grown quite a bit overnight! I believe my largest follicle was about 20 mm yesterday and today my largest was about 26 mm. I think I may have one or two more ripe follicles today as well. Which can be good if there is an extra egg or 2 that comes out of it.

I am so ready to pop. I look like I'm three month pregnant already. When last Sunday came around I was hoping for an egg retrieval as soon as possible. Yay! No more Ganirellix, man that one hurt, especially my last one. I literally had hard bumps form under my skin at the injection site. Tonight I won't have to take Menopur or Ganirellix. I will have to get an HCG shot, the so called trigger shot. This hormone will initiate the release of my eggs from my follicles. The timing of this shot is very critical. I have to make sure I take the shot right at 9:30 PM so that my follicles will be ready approximately 36 hours later for egg retrieval. Which will be on Thursday at 8:30 AM. That same day JP will make his 'very important contribution'. Sometime Friday we should find out if fertilization was a hit or miss. I can't wait!

I'm really glad I won't be getting 3 injections a day anymore. Even though I am no where near done with getting stuck by needles. I feel like my skin has become so sensitive in the last 3 days. Every injection and blood draw has hurt. The first few days we're so easy. I don't know if the hormones have made my nerves more sensitive or it's psychological because I'm so tired of being a human pin cushion. Probably both. I would say the hormones have definitely had an effect because I also am bruising really easy. I've got like ten bruises on my upper thighs and I have a bruise on my arm from a blood draw almost week ago. Because of that bruise I can't even alternate arms when I have blood draws until it heals and unfortunately at this point I'm getting blood tests done almost every day this week. My poor right arm is getting the bulk of my daily torture. Who ever said "making the baby is the fun part", obviously was very fertile.

Less than a week till Egg retrieval

This is our seventh day of hormone stimulation. After today I have only 3 more days of these daily injections. As long as things progress as normal.

Yesterday I had an ultrasound and blood test. Everything is normal and it looks like I have 11 antrals. I guess that means 11 follicles are maturing along and getting bigger. We added another hormone injection to the mix last night. Ganirelix, it's not a big needle and didn't hurt going in, but does sting for awhile and is a little tender today. I took it right before bed at the same time as the Menopur. I did my best to fall asleep with a pain in my side. It wasn't that hard though because I've been so drowsy everyday this week. 3 injections a day now, it's sooo much fun!

.... Actually it's not. JP is getting fed up with it, I can tell. He never was one with a lot of patience. He get's home from work late at night, then has to deal with me nagging him to do the med preparation the way I want it done and then he has to give me the creepy shot. They say I'm supposed to feel more moody during stimmulation, but I think JP is more moody about the shots than me. I wish he would be a little more sensitive to me. I don't think he really has any idea what I'm going through. I know it's hard for him right now. He's got all these other things in his life stressing him out too. We have family drama, but that's another story. I feel bad that he has to give me these shots. I would do it myself, but I can't look at a needle and stick myself with it. At least I don't make him go to the ultrasounds with me. I don't want to bother him with it. I usually go between 7 and 8 in the morning and it takes about 30-40 minutes to drive to my clinic. Since he gets home from work really late I don't think getting him up that early is a good idea.

I'm not sure if I'm feeling like I'm supposed to be feeling. I can feel a little business going on in the ovary department. I thought I'd be alot more bloated, crampy, moody and I thought my skin would break out like crazy. I don't think I'm really more emotional than normal. Family issues on JP's side kind of stressed me out for a minute, but I don't think I'm reacting worse than I would be if I were not on hormones. I actually think I'm being pretty mellow. It does help that I'm not working right now, no stress there. I'm trying to stay low stress as possible, stress can cause eggs to become unhealthy or no eggs to develop at all. Besides that, it seems that I lost 4-5 pounds since last month and my skin is pretty clear. It's weird, I was expecting to have a lot of problems. It's be too good to be true. Well, we still have a few more days to go.

Moving along

It's now day five of injections. So far it's not too bad. Some shots are more uncomfortable than others. JP is doing a good job. He admits he doesn't like giving me my shots, I guess because he knows it's uncomfortable for me. I think choosing a spot that is less sensitive makes a difference, but there's never way to tell which spot of skin will hurt. I've really become a baby when it comes to needles. I was fine with blood tests, even as a kid. But since my surgeries at the beginning of this year, When they stuck that IV needle in my hand, I cringe every time I see a needle. Follistim still stings a little when injected, even though I ice the spot. The nurse said I wouldn't feel it at all. She lied! I wonder if it's an allergy. I'll ask my doctor tomorrow. I have another ultrasound and blood test then. My blood test yesterday came back normal, so everything is still going really well. I don't feel too weird from the hormones yet. On day two, I felt a little light headed. By day three I was fine, but I was extremely drowsy in the afternoon. I know sometimes I don't get a full eight hours, Ok a lot of the time, but that day, while at a store shopping, I swear I could have taken a nap right in the pillow display. Yesterday (day four) I had to get up early for my blood test and when I got home I did something I haven't done since we moved into this house, I went back to bed and slept till noon! I'm expecting to feel bloated and very sensitive in the ovary area pretty soon. The nurse told us during our group injections instructions class, that our ovaries would grow to the size of lemons, Ouch! She said to dress comfortable and that we're going to look about 9 months pregnant. I heard from other women that they looked 3 months pregnant, but your belly doesn't really go away once you do become pregnant. Once your ovaries get down to normal size the baby is like 3 months along. Anyway, Things are moving along pretty quick. I'm getting anxious now about getting to the Egg retrieval and then to the Embryo transfer. In a good way though. I'm not nervous really. I just can't wait until I hear the doctor say "you're going to have a baby".

One day down

I feel so much better now that we got through those first shots. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. I was stressing it for the last 2 weeks. Right before we did the injections, JP had to chase me around the room for a bit. I really didn't want him to give me those shots. I kept yelling "don't let it hurt me!", "are you sure you know how to do it right?!" and "wait, wait, just give me a minute!". He didn't do much to make me feel comfortable either. He was a little impatient. Understandable since it was midnight and he just got home from work. He kept telling me to "just do it, don't look at it". But just the sight of him holding that needle pointed at me made me want to bolt. It was quite comical. I was sure being a baby and all for nothing really. The Follistim shot did sting some as it was injected and afterwards. Today my thigh is a little sore where I got the shot. But it's not anything I can't handle. The Menopur was the one I was worried about the most because it's injected deep into the muscle. After stalling for a few minutes, I finally decided to get it overwith. I lay on the bed, on my stomach, took some deep breaths and called my dog Piper to come and give me snuggles and distract me. It worked! JP gave me that intramuscular shot and I barely felt a thing! After a few seconds I said to JP "was that it, did you do it?". Surprisingly the shot spot doesn't feel sore today like the Follistim spot. Using ice helped numb the skin where the shot was done. I iced before and after . I also used a first aid antiseptic and analgestic which also numbed the skin. Today when noon came around I walked over to JP and said "it's happy shot time!" he laughed. I'm a little worried though, I think he's kind of enjoying sticking it to me..... Just kidding! I think I'm going to make it afterall. I'm actually starting to get really excited.

I'm good to go

My Doctor's office called earlier to give me the 'go ahead'. My bloodtest was normal. Great! so far everything has gone extremely smooth. I am anxious and ready to get on with it. JP's at work and I'm waiting to let him give me my shots. Thankfully Dr. S said we could do my evening shot when JP gets home from work. He leaves he house at 2:30-3 PM for work everyday and gets back usually around midnight. I was afraid I would have to give myself my Menopur shot. I originally thought it had to be done between 5 PM and 7 PM. It will be a lot easier for me if JP gives me the shot, that way I don't have to see the needle poke me. We just have to make sure to time the Follistim shot 12 hours later in the morning or I guess in our case it will be Noon. So we'll see how it goes.

Baseline done

I went to my clinic at 8:15 AM for my Baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. My endometrium looks good and I have 13 follicles ready to go. Dr. S says we're off to a good start. I think 13 is my new lucky number! I just now need to wait for my bloodtest results to make sure my hormone levels are OK and then tonight I can start the fun part ..... The wonderful injections. Pardon my sarcasm, I'm trying to get past my needle-phobia.

Everyone says Menopur, which is given as an intramuscular injection, is not the most painful shot I have to get. That needle is 1 1/2" long and I think a 25 gauge size. It shouldn't be too painful (I hope). I will have to take Menopur every night for about 10 days, maybe more or less, depending on follicle development and hormone levels, etc. Also I will be taking Follistim shots every morning for the next 10 days. That is probably the easiest one. It's a subcutaneous shot which means it's given in the layer under the skin instead of in the muscle. It's injected with a pen device that I just change the needle, set the dose, jab it into my thigh and push a button to inject the medication. After about 5 days or so I will add a daily shot of Ganirellix for six days. Fortunately a subcutaneous shot. About 36 hours before Dr. S harvests my eggs, I will take a shot of HCG intramuscularly. That one is supposed to sting pretty bad. I will later on have to take Prog. shots which is an oil base and I hear can be quite painful. It is an intramuscular shot. The gauge size on that needle is about 22, a little bigger because it's oil based. I think I have to do those shots everyday for a few weeks after embryo transfer, maybe more.

Anyway that's just a little explanation of what I'll be doing with my time for the next few weeks. Sound like a good time or what? Well the way I see it is, for every little shot down I'm one big step forward. The farther I get along, the closer I get to having a baby.

Thank Dog

I had a real scare right after my last post. I let the dogs out in the backyard to potty. They were out there for about 10 minutes and Piper got out under the gate! Quincy was the one who let me know something was wrong, I heard him whining outside and clawing at the window. I said "oh shit" and ran outside. Piper was gone!! I ran out in the front yard and I didn't see her! I ran to the main street calling her name, praying she was not in the street. I ran back to my house, the whole time calling to her and THANK GOD I saw her running towards me, scared as she could be, she jumped right into my arms! I couldn't even scold her, she's my baby, I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. Quincy's an angel because if he didn't get my attention at that moment, Piper might have gotten too far away or hurt or stolen. I swear I won't let them out of my sight again, not even in my own backyard.
I was distracted because I got my new MacBook and was fiddling around with it and pretty much forgot about them (bad mommy!). I have never let them out of my sight before. I feel so horrible. I'm just so happy I got her back.

This is it!

We are officially going through with IVF. Tomorrow at 8 AM I'll go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood test. My doctor will check out my follicles and hormone levels. If everything is right, then I'm able to start follicle stimulation via injections the same day, oh boy!! I admit I'm dreading it and can't wait to get started at the same time. Every shot I get brings me that much closer to getting preggers! I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for this. I really, really hope it works. If it doesn't work this time, we get one more chance. If it doesn't happen the second cycle I guess It wasn't meant to be. There's always adoption. Which we hope to do someday anyway.

This whole process is crazy to me! I can't believe I'm doing it. I have never been one to do so much as take an aspirin everytime I get a headache. I always have avoided taking drugs/medications whenever possible. This is the ultimate sacrifice and compromise of my life! It doesn't matter though... If I can have a baby, it will be worth it.

I have so much going through my head right now. I joined a few Fertility forums so I can converse with other women going through IVF. That has been really helpful for me emotionally and mentally. All the women are really supportive of each other. Our husbands are here for us, but they don't really know what is going through our heads and can't really understand what is happening with our bodies. It has been a real blessing to be a part of the forums. It's great to be able to talk to others going through the same experience as you. I recommend it for anyone going through something like this. It really helps to be in a good place mentally when doing this.

Ooooooooh YAY! My new MacBook just arrived! I have to go. I'll write more in a bit.