So much to tell

Where do I start! It's been so long since I wrote a post. I guess I just needed a break. I intentionally failed to mention about us starting our 2nd IVF cycle last November. Family and people that know me read this blog and we chose to keep the new cycle private. Just incase we failed again, it would save us the misery of having to tell people.

Anyway, we had planned to actually start our 2nd cycle later this year, but Dr S offered a "research cycle" to us at a discount of $3000. With the cost of IVF being so outrageous anyway, we thought that was a significant savings and jumped right back in. It literally was the day of my 2nd negative pregnancy test that we started the process all over. Yes I didn't mention that either. I had a frozen embryo transfer last November with our 3 remaining frozen embryos and that obviously ended up negative. So the week of Thanksgiving I started again. I almost missed getting my new order of meds because of the holiday. Time was limited. If I didn't start that week, I'd miss out on participating in the research cycle. In fact I started my meds a day later than scheduled. I though "oh no, it that a bad omen? maybe this was not the right time to start again". I remember I had a much more difficult time emotionally this time. The first time your so excited that you might soon be a mom and your outlook is so much more positive. This time after 2 negative pregnacy tests you think, "how much longer can I go on?" The hormones definately take it's toll. Think PMS x 10.

This time the shots seemed to hurt a little more. I guess it was just my own psycological state. Neither one of us was in the mode. Morale was a little low. 1 day before my last stim injection, we had a fight. I yelled "I will never do this again!" JP was livid, how dare I make that decision on my own. of course I said it in anger and frustration, so how could that count. JP left the house for a bit. A neighbor came by to talk to me about something. I don't know why I answered the door, but I did so in tears, barely able to speak. I told her how difficult the process has been (she knew of our Ivf plight already) and that I'm fully loaded with hormones and a nervous breakdown was inevitable anyway. I think she was a little frightened. I apologized and she said there's no need, she understands and how she's had those days too. What a dear, trying to relate, (sigh) if she only knew.

Finally we finish with the follicle stimulating injections. I mention to JP that I hope we have twins because then I would never have to do another IVF cycle. If we had a singleton, I would definately want him or her to have a sibling. I had responded very well. We got 18 eggs. 16 fertilized well and were frozen the same day. The process with this research cycle calls for the embyos to be frozen and an FET (frozen embryo transfer) done in January 2007. So now we wait.

It was actually a nice little break. I made sure clean myself up a little. I cut out a lot of sugar from my diet, paid attention to what I ate, drank a lot of water. I even took a detox herbal tea to help cleanse out the stim meds from my system. I was feeling better. Especially because it was the Christmas season, that always cheers me up. It's my favorite time of year and I got to take a break from all needles and meds. We didn't travel for the holiday because of financial reasons, but I'm glad because this was our first Christmas in our first house. My inlaws came and we had our own little holiday at home. It was very nice.