Therapy for me

I started going to acupuncture therapy this past week. So far I've had 2 sessions. I made appointments for JP to do them with me (different rooms). For me it's to treat some shoulder and neck tension that I've had for awhile. I think it's been like a couple of years. I believe it's related to stress. I rarely do any heavy lifting or hard labor so I don't think it has much to do with that. Though I did feel tingling pain after I started my last server job over a year ago and when I worked at Whole Foods 6 months ago. I also am going for stress and anxiety. When I got back from LA after going through that whole ordeal, I felt chest discomfort which I'm sure was directly related to stress. Boy I must be getting old!

I have also made a doctor's appointment with a physician to find out what I should do about my heart palpatations. I'm a little confused about what is going on because I have pretty low blood pressure too. I suppose at some point I'm going to have to see a cardiologist. I feel lucky to have Health insurance now. I would just be wondering what's going on. Our health insurance even pays for our acupuncture.

I'm still feeling a little pain in my shoulder when I carry something heavy, but my chest and heart feel much better now. I also feel less anxiety right now too. JP says he also has had a lot of pain relief too. Although he says it's a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10. I could tell that he was uncomfortable sometimes after work. I think he was just trying to bear it. So I just went ahead and made the acupunture appointment for him too. That was a very weird experience. I just had to not think about the needles. It's not that painful when she pricks you, it's just having to lay really still for 20-30 minutes while these needles are stuck in you that is weird. You have to stay still otherwise you hurt yourself where the needles are. You might have some in your wrist and can't even really rest your hand, so you're kind of laying there with your arm in the air, trying to lay still as possible for 30 minutes. But hey, it seems to work and it only cost us $10 each session.

JP doesn't like to admit acupunture has made a difference already. He actually hates doing it. He's only really doing to keep me company. I think he may stop going, but I think he should continue. It makes me feel bad when he comes home from work and complains of a sore neck or back.

I have started arrangements to see a psychologist/therapist, but have yet to make the actual appointment. Through JP's work we are offered 6 free sessions through their 'employee assistance program'. It's kind of hard to admit that there are things that have bothered me for so long and I didn't have the will to put all that aside and "be normal". Of course I tried to "be normal" as much as possible with family and friends. But keeping stuff bottled inside is asking for a major explosion at some point. I'm basically taking every advantage of my health insurance. It's been a long, long time since I've had health coverage. If I had this kind of health coverage years ago, I would have seen a therapist back then. Having health insurance has already been such a huge help. I've already had thousands of dollars worth of medical care in less than a year!

I tortured my poor dogs

I had to put Piper and Quincy into doggie boarding for the first time while we went to LA. Normally we take our dogs everywhere with us. But this time we didn't really have the time to take proper care of them. The best place I could think of was boarding them at their Vets office. Their Vets are there if they get sick or injured and it's affordable at $30 for the both of them to stay in one kennel for the day. We brought their nylabones (which the caretakers lost), beds and their food. I had hoped they'd feel OK if they had their own beds. I could tell as we left them, they were going to have a horrible day and night. They wouldn't even take the biscuits I tried to give them. When I called to check on them, the girl on the phone asked the caretaker about them, then just tells me their fine. I felt she was too short about it. I know they were not fine when I left. They didn't say whether they were calm or not. Fine for all I know is them sitting and anxiously looking for us. Fine is not as good and good is not as good as great. I've been very disappointed in my Vets office lately. I feel they treat my dogs as business and not really as our family members. If it weren't for me being so pleased about Quincy's leg stub amputation and several people saying they're the best, I don't think I'd bring them there again. I only hear the praises of one doctor anyway (the one that did Quincy's surgery) and he will be the one I request everytime. So when we go to pick them up, they are of course excited to see us. Piper was not as pleased to see JP as she was to see me. I think it was because he was so mean to her when he left her there in the sterile, cold metal cage in a strange, new place. Piper was acting up as soon as we brought her to the Vets office. She hates it there and gets anxious everytime she goes there. JP never has tolerance for Piper when she gets anxious and he just yells at her. I said to JP "just wait till you have kids". He just thinks kids are going to be so easy. Yeah because, no doubt I'll be doing most of the work. I guess it will be for the best anyway, because I have way more patience and tolerance than he does. How do you think I'm able to live with him? Anyway, Piper started yelping as soon as she saw us as if to say, "I can't believe you left me here, get me the hell out of here!" So I ran out of the vets office with her and forgot to ask for all their stuff (we had to go back for it the next day). I noticed both dogs looked very tired. I had never seen them look so tired. They even looked like they had bags under their eyes. Quincy who normally has bright white around his eyes, had bloodshot eyes! Piper did too. As we drove home, Piper could see when we got to about 8 blocks from our house and got very excited. When we got home they were very hungry, so I gave them food and treats. Then they crashed, went right to sleep. I felt so bad for them. I know staying in boarding was really stressful for them and I don't think they got much sleep. That's the most stressed I have ever seen them. I'm not sure what I'll do next time. All other options cost quite a bit more money. People think I'm nuts because I like to bring My dogs with me when I travel and this is the exact reason why.

Going to trial

It's been awhile since my last post. There wasn't much going on until this week. JP and I just got back from Los Angeles. Unfortunately I had to go back for a mandatory settlement hearing. It's about an incident that I had pretty much blocked from my mind after I moved here to Nevada. It was the biggest reason for me to move out of LA. Out of sight out of mind, right? Well until they summon you for a hearing, you spend $450 to travel back, and they slap you in the face by saying they'll give you $750 for 3-4 years of suffering. For those who don't know what I'm talking about. I filed a workers comp case after I was assaulted at work and was forced to quit my job because I felt that my employer was not taking adequate measures for my welfare and safety. It's a long story that I rather not talk about and I'm not really allowed to talk about. Now that I think about it, I really should of filed a civil lawsuit. JP talked to a couple of lawyers who would of happily taken my case because I had a strong sexual harassment case. But I felt enough stress, anxiety and aggravation by the incident and how I was treated by my former employers, that I just didn't want to have to tell more people the details of what happened, especially strangers. Just talking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I even stopped going to a therapist because all I could get was group therapy. I didn't want a bunch of strangers to hear me talk about it. It would have been better for my settlement if I did go to group therapy. I just kind of went into my own world to live as a recluse instead. Anyway my lawyers were asking for $5000, not much at all, but I would of taken it just so I can moved on with my life. The defense refused and we are going to trial. I get to go back on Jan 10, 2007. I am not looking forward to it. All last night and today I've been feeling pressure in my chest and it feels like my heart is beating funny. My doctor did mention I had a heart murmur the last time he checked. Now I feel traumatized once again and I am looking for a good shrink. Don't know if that will help my case, but hopefully it will help my head.